These Words shared by My Parent Which Helped Us during my time as a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was just in survival mode for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

But the reality soon turned out to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health issues surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her chief support while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… every stroll. The job of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward words "You are not in a healthy space. You need some help. In what way can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now better used to talking about the strain on mothers and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles dads go through.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are linked to a wider failure to talk among men, who continue to hold onto harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright every time."

"It isn't a sign of failure to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the chance to request a break - spending a short trip abroad, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He realised he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings alongside the logistical chores of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has changed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotion and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, long-standing emotional pain resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "bad decisions" when in his youth to alter how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the pain.

"You turn to behaviours that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you're feeling under pressure, speak to a friend, your other half or a therapist about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that made you feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, getting some exercise and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help isn't failing - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can look after your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead provide the safety and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the feelings safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, transformed how they talk, and taught themselves to control themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, at times I believe my role is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am understanding just as much as you are in this journey."